So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
