Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize