All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
