JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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