I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
