This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
