I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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