And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Its about making memories worth repressing
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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