just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Pooping to opera.
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