she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
