the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
