my phone needs a breathalizer
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
