I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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