Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize