He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
