My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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