my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
