i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
