Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
