I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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