My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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