Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
