so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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