i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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