He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
