All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
