You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize