I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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