Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
