I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
