Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
