you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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