where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
