Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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