fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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