what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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