I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm always down for nudity.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
