You work out of a Hotel?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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