I'm eating all of the evidence.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
