you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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