Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
