I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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