Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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