I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
