those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
