I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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