She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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