med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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