I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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