I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
