I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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