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• (312): View more from Illinois

  I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  oh fuck your right

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.

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• (925): View more from California

  I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.

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• (921): View more from

  Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night

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• (801): View more from Utah

  sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.

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• (+64): View more from New Zealand

  Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.

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