WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
