my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
