He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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