Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
