A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Randomize
