he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
