i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
