Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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