woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
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