You can't special order awesome
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
