and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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