GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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