so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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