And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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